Mario Teaches Fanfiction
by Kamejen
Summary: Some toads turn up missing after the appearance of a new warp pipe, and Mario must investigate. What he finds is the Grammar World, where the people are victim to King Suethor's cruelty. If Mario wants to find the lost toads, he'll have to stop Suethor!
1. Chapter 1: The Punctuite Rebels

**Mario Teaches Fanfiction**

The Tragedy of the Grammar World

**Chapter 1: The Punctuite Rebels**

One day, Princess Toadstool (or Peach, as she was known to her friends) summoned Mario and Luigi – the heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom – to her, and she informed them of a new need for their services. "The problem probably won't be a simple one to fix," she explained. "I need you two to investigate Warp Zone Two. There are reports from the locals that there are strange things happening there with one of the pipes. They've been developing the area for farming, and in the process, they've discovered a new warp pipe. They say that several young toads went into it on a dare, and they haven't returned in several days. I need you two to figure out what's going on and report back to me. But don't try anything too dangerous just yet. We need to rescue the toads that have disappeared, but we can't do that until we know what we're dealing with."

"Hey, no problem, Princess!" Luigi exclaimed gallantly. "The Mario Brothers are on the case!"

"That's right!" Mario agreed. "You can count on us, Peach!"

"Thank you, guys!" Peach replied, beaming at them. "I'll be anxiously waiting for you to return with news!"

The brothers raced out of the castle and grabbed a couple of tanooki leaves on their way past the royal armory. It wouldn't hurt to be prepared, after all. After leaving the castle, they immediately dashed off toward Warp Zone Two.

"So Mario," Luigi laughed nervously as soon as they were out of range of any of the castle's staff. "We're only going to look, right? I mean, you aren't planning on doing anything _dangerous_, are you, Bro?"

Mario chuckled and shook his head. "Of course not," he answered, flashing Luigi a wide grin beneath his bushy mustache. "I'm just going to hop into the pipe and see where it goes! That's all."

"Oh, well if that's all, then - wait, _what_?!" Luigi squeaked, falling behind a little as his knees began to wobble. "B-but Mario! You heard what Peach said! She warned us to be careful!"

"I will be careful," Mario exclaimed. "But if there are any baddies on the other end of that pipe, they'd better be careful too!"

"Mama mia," Luigi muttered desolately. "I don't want to go jumping into any cursed pipes, Mario. You heard the princess. No one who's entered that thing has returned."

"Where's your spirit of adventure, Luigi?" Mario laughed, chucking his brother in the shoulder. "We haven't had a good challenge for months. Weren't you getting bored staying at home all day playing video games?"

"As a matter of fact, I wasn't," was Luigi's emphatic reply. "It was quiet, peaceful, and safe – everything this is sure to _not_ be. I don't care what you say, Mario. You can't make me follow you into that warp pipe."

"Fine," Mario sighed. "You big chicken. You can stay behind and report to Peach if I don't come back. Sound okay?"

"No, but I guess it'll have to do," Luigi grumbled.

It didn't take them long to reach their destination. The Mario Bros. knew the Mushroom Kingdom's underground network of warp pipes and secret passages like the backs of their gloved hands. Only ten minutes had transpired by the time they reached the mysterious Warp Zone Two. They walked out among the various warp pipes and glanced around for anything unfamiliar.

"That must be it," Luigi gulped, pointing to a large, yellow pipe just in front of a half-cleared grove of trees and bushes. "I don't remember seeing that one before."

"Right," Mario agreed. "Let's check it out."

They cautiously crept toward the pipe, keeping their eyes open in case something might pop out and grab them. When they were only a few feet away, Luigi's nerve failed him.

"I c-can't g-go any farther, M-mario," he said through chattering teeth. "I just know something's g-gonna happen if w-we try."

"Nothing to do but dive right in," Mario surmised. There was nothing especially odd about the pipe. Its coloration was a little strange for this region's warp zone, but other than that it just looked like a normal warp pipe. "Here goes nothing! Wish me luck, Weege!"

Steeling his nerves, Mario leapt into the air and dropped feet-first into the pipe. It made the characteristic warping sound as he entered, and then he was gone. Luigi gulped apprehensively, and he ran off a few paces to put some distance between him and the pipe. Then he settled himself down at the base of another pipe and began to wait. He decided he'd give it an hour. If he hadn't heard from Mario by then, he was going to go back for help.

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Mario popped up out of a red pipe and landed neatly on his feet. He hopped down to the ground and glanced at his surroundings. Well, he was at least _somewhere_. The pipe hadn't been a dead end, and it hadn't thrown him into the jaws of some kind of fearsome beast. He was in what appeared to be a town, inside a dark alleyway leading to a cobblestone street. Keeping a hand on the handle of his plunger, he stole out of the alley to investigate.

What he saw astounded him. He was in the center of a small but very busy town, and he was surrounded by moderately-sized, colorful buildings. All about him there were strange people of variegated colors bustling to and fro on the street. The people themselves were oddly shaped; some of them were solid wheel-shapes (with no holes in the centers) standing upright and walking on spindly legs; some of them were similar to that, but they had thick tails protruding from their backsides; some were similar to _that_, except they had an additional wheel portion atop that. Each one had two spindly arms protruding from either side of the wheel shapes, and each arm sported a narrow hand with clever fingers. Each person also sported a small face on the narrow edge of the upright wheel (or the topmost one if they were one of the double wheels). Their faces were small but expressive; they each had two bright eyes that varied in color – usually a shade or two lighter than the skin of their owner. They also had tiny bumps for noses, and equally petite mouths that were tight-lipped but often turned upwards. The shapes seemed vaguely familiar, as they stirred in Mario old memories of his struggles as a kid in school back in Brooklyn. However, he quickly brought himself back to the present; he had no time to dwell on unpleasant thoughts. He had to figure out where he was.

"Excuse me," he asked one of the single wheel-shaped people as it walked by. "Where am I?"

"Oh, hello!" it squeaked at him. "Why, you're in the town of Punctuville! I suspect you're from out of town, aren't you?"

"You might say that," Mario laughed. "Punctuville, huh? I've never heard of such a place!"

"It's a great place," the little person squeaked happily. "You couldn't have picked a better day to visit. The annual Clause Fest is happening today! Some of our finest young commas and semicolons are going to wrangle the wiliest clauses in all the land! It'll be a sight to see!"

"Sounds interesting. Well, I'll try and take a peek then," Mario said, completely nonplussed. "Thank you for your help."

"Think nothing of it. Anyway, sorry to be rude, but I've got to run. My wife just called, and the sentences have run on again. No time to stay and chat!" With that, he scurried off down the street, leaving Mario very much baffled and amused.

Mario stared at the figures around him and wondered if any of them might know what happened to the missing toads. He studied them a bit more. There were other circles like the one he'd met, and several of them were leading on leashes strange, elongated beasts with large eyes and vacant stares. Their bodies resembled those of fluffy dogs for the most part, but they had hooves and birdlike beaks too. There were many of the little wheels leading these strange creatures around, and although they appeared to be tame, Mario felt a certain degree of apprehension when one plodded close by.

The circles with tails were leading smaller animals, and these had scales on their rear flanks and thick, shaggy fur up front. These animals had a mouth full of sharp, needle-like teeth that Mario could see when one of them yawned in front of him. There were so many odd beasts and strange people around that Mario soon found himself overwhelmed by the oddity. Not knowing what else to do, he began to walk with the flow of the crowd down the street. He made a mental note of the alley in which he had left the warp pipe, and he began to walk in the direction that the small wheel person had taken.

He hadn't gone more than two blocks when suddenly, an irritatingly nasal voice pierced the air high above the town. "My dear punctuites," it boomed, "this is your king speaking! I am most displeased with you all!"

Nearly everyone in the city froze, and gasps of horror and cries of alarm rose up from the crowd around him. Mario looked up to see a large blimp hovering high in the sky above Punctuville. The voice seemed to be coming from up there.

"Save us!" cried one of the odd people – whom Mario now assumed to be called punctuites – beside Mario. "The king has found us! Suethor has come! We're doomed!"

"Your little rebellion was amusing at first, but there are limits to how much even _I_ will tolerate. I'm afraid that it is time for you to die," the voice cried, cackling with merriment. "I'm going to make an example of you, so that all those who would refuse to pay tribute to my greatness might think better of it. Enjoy your final fleeting moments of existence, my naughty little ones!"

The chaos that ensued was horrendous. Panicked punctuites fled in every direction, and out of alleys, buildings, and even the sky, odd creatures of every shape and size lunged into the streets and began mauling and destroying everyone whom they encountered.

"Sentence Fragments!" one unfortunate wheel punctuite cried, just before he was rent to pieces by a tiger-like, scaly-legged beast with huge jaws. Mario was mortified by the carnage and devastation that surrounded him. His intense feelings of pity overwhelmed him, and he drew his plunger from his belt. With a furious yell, he charged into the maelstrom of destruction and proceeded to beat and stomp on every vicious-looking beast he could find, desperately trying to save whomever he could. He found the creatures surprisingly durable, and simple attacks that had served him well in the Mushroom Kingdom didn't do nearly as much damage to these beasts. He managed to stun a fair handful of them, but unfortunately, he was sorely outnumbered. While he was in the process of kicking the tar out of a particularly vile wolf-like creature, he was struck down by a blow to his left shoulder. He fell onto his back, crying out in pain. He looked up to see what had struck him – a large, flying creature with a bulbous, feathery head full of jagged teeth. It landed atop Mario's chest, digging its talons into his overalls. Mario struggled to dislodge it, and he gaped in horror at its jagged teeth, which were already dripping with brown liquid – the substance that seemed to be the blood of the punctuites.

Just before the creature brought its gaping maw down over Mario's face, it was knocked silly by a small punctuite with a club. "This is for Mom and Dad!" he screamed, bashing the creature's head in with the heavy, wooden instrument. "Monster! Demon! Murderer!" The savage creature – the sentence fragment, not the punctuite – flopped unceremoniously off of Mario, and the small punctuite continued to pummel it with his club. The punctuite was one of the double-circled ones with a tail, and although by now he had already killed the sentence fragment, he was still pounding its head with his weapon. Tears were streaming down his face, and he was howling with rage.

"You got him, Semmy! It's over!" came a voice behind Mario. He sat up to see another punctuite with a club. This one was one of the single circles with a tail. He ran up to Semmy and tried to pull him away from the dead fragment. "It's dead! Come on; we have to go!"

"Not happen!" came a cold voice behind them. This time Mario scrambled to his feet and spun around. This was not a sentence fragment. This was a person, and he was humanoid in shape, but his skin was green, and he had purple hair. He was wearing outlandish gold armor, with a heart emblazoned on his breastplate. "W.T.F.?" he exclaimed, staring at Mario in astonishment. "You not punctuite!"

"No, I'm not," Mario growled. "But I can see that being a punctuite isn't much of a picnic at the moment. Are you the one responsible for this massacre?"

"You stupid!" the man scolded him. "I King Suethor's Illiterati! I here ensure cute pet fragments not get owchies! Two brats just kill one pet. They come with Illiterati. His Kingness probably want give them special, public execution!"

The idiotic way this man spoke grated on Mario's nerves. "This King Suethor sounds like a real piece of work," Mario snarled. "But I'm not going to stand aside and just let you weirdoes kill a couple of kids. I don't know what's going on around here, but I do know that right now I smell the stink of injustice. If you want to take these two, you'll have to go through me first!"

"OCs!" the man barked loudly. "We having rebelling er, _thing_ here! Take mustache man to King!"

A mob of armored people similar in shape and color to the first one – except that their armor was silver – came pouring out of the still-boiling mass of panicking punctuites. They quickly surrounded Mario and the two little punctuites, and each one brandished a strange spear with three green, luminescent prongs at its end. Mario felt the two punctuites cower and shiver against his back. He didn't need them to tell him that this was not a desirable situation in which to be.

"As much as I'd love to stay and meet your king," he cried, pulling the tanooki leaf out of his pocket and activating it, "I'm afraid I've got to run. Give him my regards, will you?" In a puff of white smoke, he transformed into his tanooki self, ringed tail, fuzzy ears and all. He was relieved to notice that the transformation had healed the damage done to his left shoulder, too, and that the pain was now gone. As soon as the transformation was complete, he seized each of the two punctuites with one of his arms, and he leapt into the air, twirling his tail for all he was worth. The OCs charged toward him, but it was too late. He had already flown high out of their grasp by then, and he was flying as fast as he could away from the city.

"You can fly!" one of the punctuites shrieked. "Holy plot device! Just who are you, anyway? No, strike that. _What_ are you?"

"My name is Mario," he replied, setting his jaw grimly. "I'm a human. I've come here from a different world in search of some people from my world who've turned up missing. I don't understand any of what's going on around here. Why is this king of yours killing all of you off?"

"King Suethor is an evil tyrant," the smaller punctuite sniffed. "He taxes all of Grammar World to starvation, and he forces us to go to his castle once a week and praise him and sing songs to him. It's disgusting. Our village of punctuites decided to defect, and we left his kingdom to live peacefully on our own. We've been doing just that for the past two years, until today, that is. He finally tracked us down, and now it's all over. Semmy's and my parents have already been faulted and spliced by those sentence fragments, and the rest of the villagers will all be dead in less than an hour. Semmy and I may very well become all that's left of the punctuites from our village."

"That's terrible!" Mario gasped. "Why on earth would this man kill you all for defecting?"

"Because," Semmy seethed, "if we're not feeding the king's ego, he'd rather we didn't exist. The man is an egotistical maniac! Commie and I vowed the moment our parents died that if we got the chance, we'd kill Suethor ourselves!"

"And yet, it seems that all of our political leaders just adore him," Commie said sadly. "They all say he's so handsome, smart, and kind. It's as though there's no flaw to him in their eyes. I'm sure it's not their fault, though. It's got to be some kind of dark magic. There's no other explanation."

"This is all very complicated and terrible," Mario replied. "I had no idea a world with such problems existed. I'm worried that it might spill over into my world too. Now that your king has taken your village, he might discover the warp pipe that brought me here. That's a very unsettling thought."

"Can we land soon?" Semmy asked, staring at the ground far below and gulping. "I don't think I like flying very much."

"We need to go a bit farther," Mario replied, glancing behind them and keeping an eye open for more of the flying sentence fragments he'd seen back at the village. "I don't want to risk their tailing us. Sorry it's not a more comfortable way of traveling, but it's the best I can do."

"No, we're the ones who should be sorry," Commie apologized. "We've been ungrateful. Thank you for saving us, stranger. My brother and I owe our lives to you."

"Consider us even," Mario laughed dryly. "I don't know if you remember, but that sentence fragment Semmy pulverized was about to bite my head off. You guys saved my skin before I saved yours."

They all laughed, but the mirth was short-lived. As Mario flew them onward, each one retreated into his own thoughts. Mario frowned as he realized that when he failed to return, Luigi would most likely go back to tell the princess, and then she'd organize a search party to rescue him. He worried that they'd all venture into the pipe and then subsequently wind up prisoners to this rotten king. He ground his teeth; the very idea made his blood boil.

Twenty minutes later, Mario's tail was beginning to get tired, so he glided them down to a forested area and landed in one of the denser trees, keeping a firm hold on his two passengers. He set them all down on a thick bough, and they sat down to rest. "Now then," he sighed, "where should we go next? You guys know this country better than I do. My first priority is going to be to get you two to safety. After that, I need to find a way to sneak back into your village so that I can get to that warp pipe. I've got to warn the people back home about the danger."

"We should head for the city of Crossover," Commie replied. "All of our world's races meet there to exchange news and find friends. There are sure to be plenty of punctuites and other people there who can help us."

"I know how to get there," Semmy added, nodding in agreement. "Dad took us there when we were younger. Commie was too young to remember any of it, but I do."

"Fine," Mario replied. "So, while we're resting, can I ask you guys to tell me about this Grammar World? I've never met a punctuite until today, and I don't know anything about sentence fragments, clauses, or sentences. This is all very foreign to me."

"Well, as you've heard, Semmy and I are punctuites," Commie explained. "There are many different classes of punctuites, but the most common ones are commas, periods, and semicolons. I'm a comma, and semmy is a semicolon."

"The king and his men are called 'original characters,'" Semmy added. "We call them OCs for short. Anyway, they have a reputation for being perfectly trained, perfectly groomed, and perfectly admired by all who know them. They're also all about the same as the rest of their brethren. The king is reportedly one too, but he's the worst of them all if he is.

"You got to meet sentence fragments earlier," he continued. "They're abnormalities that Suethor created. He took to breeding sentences, and through his mistreatment of them and their kind, he created a warped, evil race of monsters with which he annihilates his enemies. These fearsome creatures splice and fault punctuites without abandon. In addition to the sentence fragments, King Suethor has a special corps of OCs known as the Illiterati. If you'll remember, the captain of that OC group was one of the Illiterati. They are Suethor's best assassins, and if you stick a thorn particularly deeply into the king's side, he'll send them after you. The Illiterati are hellishly efficient at killing punctuites, words, and any other denizen of the Grammar World, really. They don't always kill us, though. The Illiterati abuse this world's people in all the worst ways." Semmy shuddered. "For some reason, they also get along really well with the sentence fragments. It's quite common to see a member of the Illiterati with one or two fragments along for company."

"These are the bad examples of our world's people, however," Commie interrupted, shaking his head. "But we're not all like that. In addition to punctuites, we also have words, clauses, sentences, and paragraphs. Words are prolific creatures, and they roam wild all over the kingdom, as well as serving as our livestock. We use them for many things, and they are usually very gentle creatures. Some of them can have a bit of a sting to them, though," he added with a laugh. "As for clauses, they're somewhat trickier to manage than words, but we keep them as livestock too. They're really strong, and they make good beasts of burden. They eat words though, so they can be expensive to keep.

"Sentences are powerful creatures that can speak and think coherently like us, although they don't always look it. We don't really use them for anything; they're mostly kept as pets, and the domesticated ones are very loyal too. However, if we don't watch out, wild ones can make off with our clauses. They're predatory creatures, but they only seem to have a taste for clauses. Like most things though, there are good sentences and there are bad sentences."

"You mentioned paragraphs earlier," Mario interrupted, feeling slightly dazed by all the structure and strange familiarity this conversation seemed to hold. "What are they like?"

"Paragraphs are wise, powerful creatures. They're even smarter than we are. We consult them for guidance a lot, but unfortunately, they aren't strong enough to defeat the OCs. If they were, we'd have overthrown King Suethor long ago. Most paragraphs are decent folk, but some are quite testy, especially from all the negative treatment Suethor gives them."

"This king of yours is a real problem, isn't he?" Mario grumbled. "I can see him getting in my way too. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to investigate whether or not I could help you guys bring him down. I've taken down pretty powerful evil monarchs in the past. He can't possibly be any worse than Bowser, Wart, or even Dimentio."

"Wow! That would be great!" Semmy exclaimed. "If that were possible, the whole kingdom would practically worship you! The things King Suethor makes us do just make us all so sick and angry! And besides, we're in constant fear of being killed," he continued with an angry scowl. "I've been told that he sends his evil sentences, sentence fragments, and Illiterati to splice and fault us all the time, but I've never seen it happen before until today. It's horrible."

"Well, first things first," Mario sighed. "We need to figure out a way to get to this Crossroads or whatever it is without being sighted. Would it help if we waited until dark?"

"Crossover city," Commie corrected him. "And I think you're right. It won't do to travel by day; the king is sure to be watching from his blimps, trying to spot us and send his Illiterati after us. The darkness will help keep us hidden."

"We might as well stay up here in the tree until then," Semmy agreed. "It'll be dangerous on the ground. We're less likely to encounter territorial sentences or phrases up here. We'll have to be careful when we set out tonight too."

The three agreed then to try and get a little sleep, as their night was likely to be a trying one. Mario found places on the tree where they might recline more comfortably, and they all did their best to settle down for a few hours of rest. It wasn't easy for any of them, however. Mario had begun to get hungry, and he was still very worried about the folks back home. Semmy and Commie were both preoccupied with the thoughts of their dead parents and neighbors. Despite their best efforts, none of them was able to get a wink of sleep that day.


	2. Chapter 2: Babble Fruit and Paragraphs

**Chapter 2: Babble Fruit and Paragraphs**

By the time the sun had dipped below the tree line, Mario, Semmy, and Commie were all very tired, cranky, and sore from lying on the uncomfortable tree limbs. However, they were surprisingly alert, and they decided that they ought to go ahead and try to head out for Crossover City. The punctuite children were concerned about the long drop to the forest floor, but Mario shook his head.

"I think we should fly, not walk," he explained. "Didn't you say there were wild clauses and sentences about? It sounds dangerous."

"There are sentences that fly too," Semmy reminded him, "and there are also paragraphs. Paragraphs eat punctuites sometimes if the hunting isn't good, although the ones that do aren't usually on good terms with the punctuite nations. We'll have to be careful, but I don't know of any rogue paragraphs in the area near Punctuville."

"Yeah, and besides," Commie chimed in, "I don't wanna fly again. My legs are sore, and I need to move around. Besides, I'm getting hungry, and we ought to think about finding something to eat before we start out. If we go down to the ground, I'm sure I can find us some nuts and berries. If I had a proper rope, I might be able to wrangle us a good word or two, but all my stuff is back home." His voice trailed off on the last word, as he was reminded of the fact that he would most likely never see his home again. Mario patted his head reassuringly.

"We'll manage," he said. "And I have to admit, I'm pretty hungry too. Nuts and berries will have to do." He gave an inward shudder and longed to find a large pan of lasagna or canolis steaming and waiting for him on the ground. "Anyway, even if you were able to er, 'wrangle a word or two,' we wouldn't be able to prepare them, would we? I mean, don't you have to butcher them or something?"

"Oh yeah," Commie laughed weakly. "You're right. Oh well. No use dreaming about something we can't have."

"If this is the forest I think it is," Semmy commented, "there should be some fruit trees near a small lake at the center. Mario, do you think you could take us up into the air so that we could look for them? It'd be easier and safer than trying to reach it on foot. Besides, we need to take as little time as we can. The sooner we get away from here, the better. Suethor may have lost the use of his blimps with the darkness, but he has other creatures that aren't hampered by a lack of light."

"Good idea," Mario agreed. He grabbed hold of his little charges and once again leapt into the air with them, whirling his tanooki tail energetically. "Let me know where to land, and we'll drop down for a quick bite."

Semmy and Commie scanned the dark patches of foliage below. When they had risen several hundred feet above the treetops, they both spotted the lake, which was a little less than a mile away. They pointed it out to Mario, who promptly flew towards it, picking up speed as he went. Semmy had him land on the bank on the side farthest away from them, and they glanced around warily, as fear of being attacked was ever present in their minds. While Mario and Commie kept watch, Semmy ran to some nearby fruit trees and gave several of the trunks some good thwacks with a large stick. Mario heard the unmistakable thump-thump of the fruit hitting the ground, and he wondered what fruit from this world would taste like. When Semmy came running back to them, his spindly arms were weighted down by over a dozen pear-sized fruits of an orange hue.

"These are babble fruit," Semmy explained, dropping the load onto the ground and handing one to Mario. "We're really lucky; they ripen once a year, and it just so happens that this is the time of year when they're the tastiest. They'll make us a decent dinner."

Mario hefted the fruit in his gloved hand and studied its shape. It was somewhat heart-shaped, and it had a smooth, almost featureless skin, like that of an apple. He rubbed it on his shirt and took a bite. He was delighted to find that it had a pleasant, tangy flavor, and as he chewed the crunchy flesh it made his mouth tingle a bit. It wasn't at all disagreeable, and he ate three of the fruits while Semmy and Commie each ate a couple themselves. When they had finished, there were still half a dozen of the fruits left, and Mario stuffed them into his overall pockets until they were fairly bulging. "We may need a snack later," he explained, grinning sheepishly at the laughing kids. "Now, we need to decide what to do next. I know you guys would rather walk than fly, but we need to make good time. I'm sorry it's uncomfortable for you, but you two aren't the only ones involved in this. I need to get you to safety quickly, because my friends back home could be in danger too."

Semmy and Commie were about to argue, when they all heard something that froze the words in their mouths. There were sharp, angry voices coming from not far into the forest across the lake, and there were barking howls accompanying the shouting voices. Semmy and Commie gasped.

"It's the Illiterati!" Semmy squealed. "They're tracking us down with the sentence fragments!"

"Quick! We're gonna fly!" Mario whispered fiercely. "No time to argue!" Semmy and Commie obediently stood still as Mario grabbed them and leapt into the air. They were just in time to see a mass of crazed beasts come boiling out of the bushes and trees on the other side of the lake. They spotted the trio taking off and began to howl furiously. Mario and company could see the glowing barbs of the OCs' spears as they raced through the trees after the sentence fragments. They didn't stick around to find out what their pursuers would do next.

"How do you suppose they found us?" Mario wondered aloud as they raced away from the forest. "It's not as though we built a fire or sent up any flares or anything. This doesn't make any sense."

"King Suethor has many ways of spying in our lands," Semmy returned darkly. "We don't really know how he does it sometimes. It's almost as though he's got some kind of crystal ball telling him what to do. If you wish he won't find you, eventually, he does."

"That's ridiculous," Mario replied, shaking his head in disgust. "This guy's really getting on my nerves. Let's just head for Crossover City. Semmy, do you know where we should be heading?"

"Hang on," Semmy replied, craning his neck to look skyward. "I need to see the stars for a second." He was dismayed to find that the sky was mottled with clouds, and very few stars were visible. "I can't be sure, but judging from where the forest is, and where Punctuville used to be, we should be going in the right direction already. Hopefully when we get close enough to Crossover City, we'll be able to pick it out from the distance by the light. It'll be a long trip, though. Punctuville is at least ten miles from where our old city used to be, and _that_ city was twenty miles away from Crossover City. We've got a long way to go."

"I can only fly short distances with this tanooki transformation," Mario explained, frowning mightily. "A power wing gives me limitless flying energy, but a tanooki leaf is crude substitution at best. It's really only for emergency flying situations. I'm afraid I can't go more than a couple of miles at a time, especially while carrying extra weight. We need to find a better way to travel than this."

"We could always head for old Minutio's place," Commie exclaimed, jabbing his brother with an elbow. "He might be able to give us a ride in his hay cart."

"That guy doesn't care much for punctuites, Commie," Semmy replied dubiously, lowering his head. "I doubt he'd help us without a really good offer, and we don't have anything to offer him."

"Does this guy live nearby?" Mario asked them. "Who is he?"

"Yes, he does," Semmy replied. "Minutio's a paragraph. He used to trade with Punctuville when we first got started, but after our city became strong enough to keep itself going, he refused to have anything to do with us. We thought he was just being reclusive, but kids like Commie and me used to sneak down to his place and play tricks on him, and he could be really scary and mean! I knew a kid who got a broken arm because Minutio was so rough with him when he brought him back to town. After that, we weren't allowed to go near him, and it's been like that for over a year."

"Yeah, but he's the only one around for miles and miles," Commie continued with obstinate fervor. "If there's anyone who can help us, it's him, because there isn't anyone else."

"How does this Minutio feel about Suethor?" Mario asked, beginning to get an inkling of an idea.

"Oh, he hates him, just like all of us," Semmy replied, grimacing. "You'll be hard pressed to find anyone who likes the guy, unless he's in the king's immediate vicinity."

"Well, you guys just take me to this Minutio and let me do the talking then," Mario replied, nodding confidently. "I'll make him understand that he's got to help us."

Semmy and Commie exchanged looks. "Well, I guess there's no harm in trying," Semmy said slowly. "All right. But be careful what you say. Paragraphs are very proud people, and if you insult one, you don't want to stick around. It may be the last thing you ever do."

Semmy and Commie had Mario turn around and head back toward Punctuville. They all kept their eyes peeled for enemies, and Mario was directed to a small hut no more than two or three miles from the Punctuville border. They landed silently on the grass in front of the hut, and Mario steeled his nerves. It was very small, and it was made of flimsy-looking wood, although he couldn't be sure, as it was dark and the moon had been covered by the clouds. Parked outside next to the hut was a large cart full of hay, and there was some kind of large beast tethered to a post behind the hut. Semmy whispered to Mario that that was Brutus, Minutio's sentence pet. He pulled the hay cart and kept Minutio company. Judging from the rhythmic sounds of Brutus' breathing, he was asleep, so the kids urged Mario on toward the door, where they knocked timidly.

"Just a minute," came a gruff voice from inside. Some scuffling and clicking sounds could be heard inside, and then the door swung outward, and a tall figure came out, brandishing a long pole. Semmy and Commie squeaked with fright and darted behind Mario, shivering impressively.

"Punctuites, eh?" the figure growled, reaching back inside the hut for a small lantern and some matches. He lit one of the matches and then lit the wick inside the lantern. He held it up to study his visitors, and Mario got a good look at his face, as Minutio got a good look at theirs. "And an OC?" he asked incredulously. Minutio was a bipedal creature with thick, wooly fur and a sharp, pointed black nose with flaring nostrils. He had large, dark eyes that sparkled in the lamplight, and he had long, floppy ears that wiggled when he talked. His hands were sleek and thick, and they appeared every bit as clever as Mario's own hands, and perhaps more so. There was an air of intelligence about this man, and Mario got the feeling that they wouldn't be able to pull one over on him, even if they tried. He cleared his throat.

"I'm not an OC," he explained. "My name is Mario, and I've come to your world in search of some lost people from my own world. I saved these two kids from being captured and killed by King Suethor, and in the process, made the man my own enemy as well. I won't lie to you; he has his Illiterati on the prowl searching for us, and if you're seen with us, it could mean trouble. But we're here to seek your help."

"That's enough," Minutio growled, pointing his pole at them menacingly. "You're honest and bold, stranger, and I like that. But I have no interest in attracting King Suethor's wrath. I suggest you leave my property now, or I'll roast the lot of you for my breakfast." Semmy and Commie gasped and huddled more tightly against Mario. Minutio retreated into his hut and began to pull the door closed, but Mario would not be dissuaded so easily.

"You haven't heard all that I have to say yet," he said quietly, gripping the door with one hand and stopping its movement, much to the indignant amazement of Minutio. "My initial purpose in your land was to retrieve the friends whom I had lost. I have a second goal now, however. I intend to overthrow this king of yours, and to help these two avenge the people from their town. If slaughtering an entire city of innocents is all in a day's work for this king, I'm not going to stand idly by and let it happen. If you have any interest in contributing to this effort, it would be greatly appreciated. But if you close your door on us now, you may very well doom it to failure before it even begins."

Minutio couldn't believe what he was hearing. Never in all his life had he heard something so fantastical. Overthrowing Suethor indeed! This plump creature and two small punctuite children? It was a laughable notion. But something in the tone of Mario's voice made him question whether or not he should hear them out. He hadn't had company in quite a while, and he hadn't heard a good story in even longer. Why not? No one was about. He might as well hear what they had to say. Afterward, he could always sic Brutus on them if they didn't agree to leave after he was through laughing at their ridiculous notions.

"You have ten minutes to tell me why I shouldn't just fry you up like babble fritters," he growled at them. "Come inside and speak your piece. Don't stay out here where prying ears can hear you."

Smiling inwardly, Mario strolled inside the hut with no small degree of confidence, while Semmy and Commie followed him closely, staring up at Minutio with a mixture of awe and fright. They had never expected the old paragraph to listen to them, much less invite them into his house. It was more than they dared hope for. They stared with fascination at the inside of the paragraph's hut. It was just as bland inside as it had been on the outside. There was a small window facing the east, and there was a bed of straw on one side of the hut, and a table with two chairs on the other side. There were several bags hanging from the ceiling, and the kids couldn't help imagining what sorts of meats and morbid things might be lying within them.

"Now then," Minutio began, sitting in one of the chairs and making no offer to let them sit in the other, "how about you start by telling me how, if you came here from a different world, you came here at all?"

Mario told him about the warp pipe, and how several toads – people from his kingdom – had gone missing as soon as they entered it. He had gone after them, and found himself in the Grammar World. He told them about his witnessing the massacre at Punctuville, and his saving Semmy and Commie. When he told him about the OCs and the Illiterati back in Punctuville, Minutio stared at him with unqualified admiration.

"That's the first time I've ever heard of anyone's escaping from an Illiterati and living to tell about it," Minutio marveled. "That's amazing! Although, I do feel sorry for the punctuites, now that I hear about it. Unfortunately, I had no idea that your town had been ransacked," he said, nodding at the two kids with an unexpected glance of respect. "I know you all believe I disliked you, but the truth is that I had to separate myself from you, because Suethor has had his eyes on all the paragraphs in the kingdom for the past year. He's afraid that one day we'll rise up en masse to overthrow him. Anyway, I feared that if he got to know too much about my habits, the location of your town would become compromised. So I had to pretend to not even know it existed."

"So that's why you stopped trading with us," Semmy cried. "And to think! The whole town has been calling you terrible names and believing you'd gone bad! This is awful!"

"It's not their fault," Minutio chuckled. "I had to be pretty convincing about it, after all. Anyway, it doesn't matter much now. Suethor already knows about your town, it seems. I suppose there's no point in my disassociating with your kind if I see them."

"How does Suethor keep an eye on you, exactly?" Mario asked him. "How do we know they don't know we're here right now?"

"The king sends his OCs out to collect taxes for him," Minutio explained. "Every week, I get a visitor looking for money, and whenever he comes, he also searches my house for any clue of misbehavior. I can't get away with much. And if I disappear before my appointed tax day, they'll report that I've defected, and I'll be killed on sight the next time they find me. I'm stuck."

"That's no way to live," Mario gasped, mortified. "Don't you want to break free?"

"Of course I do," Minutio snapped. "But the king is very efficient at tracking down escapees. I doubt I'd make it very far. It's not worth the risk."

"How about this?" Mario asked him. "How about removing Suethor from power? Is that worth the risk to you? Is taking not only your own freedom, but securing the freedom of the rest of the kingdom an important enough incentive for the risk? That's what we're proposing to you. All we need from you is a ride to Crossover City under the cover of your hay cart. We're not asking you to take part in any fighting or anything. I need to make sure that these kids find safety before I can begin to even _think_ about how to take down Suethor. That's why we need a ride. I can't fly long distances, and traveling by foot is too risky, especially in the daytime. We don't have anyone else to turn to, else we wouldn't pester you with this."

"Listen, I applaud your bravery, stranger, but I fear that it's rooted in your own ignorance. Suethor isn't just some schmuck who wears a crown. The man is dangerous, pure and simple. Not one of his elite assassins even holds a candle to the man's treachery and cunning. Suethor has powers beyond your wildest imagination, and he'll stop at nothing to remain in his position of power. It's not that I don't want you to succeed; it's just that you _can't_ succeed."

"People who expect defeat before they make an attempt are doomed to failure," Mario retorted. "I've had a lot of people like you tell me over the years about things that I couldn't do, and I've gone on to prove them all wrong. I've overthrown cruel dictators before; it's what I did for a living back home, ironically enough. All I ask is that you do this simple task for us. I don't need to hear a lecture about how abysmal my chances of success are."

Minutio gave an exasperated sigh. "If I do this, I'll be condemning myself to the life of a fugitive," he explained crossly. "If I do this, I might as well join you, because I'll be no better in Suethor's eyes than you will be. You're not just asking me for a simple hayride, do you understand? You're asking me to give my quiet, peaceful life away and trade it for a life of fearful glances over my shoulders, and sleepless nights in unfriendly territory. So don't stand there on your high horse and preach to me about your virtues, my rotund little otherworlder. You're living in a fantasy land, and your lack of foresight is going to get you and your companions killed."

Mario rose to his feet and glared at Minutio with speechless fury. Never before had someone dared to insinuate that he was anything but a hero. How dare this _thing_ tell him off like this? It was infuriating, and Mario's wounded pride made him want to get as far away from Minutio as he could. "Come on, kids," he snarled angrily. "This coward isn't going to help us. We'll be better off without him anyway." He stormed to the door and seized the knob.

"When did I say I wasn't going to help you?" Minutio replied coldly, causing Mario to hesitate in surprise. "I haven't said that. I've only said that if I do help you, then I won't be able to return to my home, and I'll be going with you on your journey. Believe it or not, stranger, I do care about the people of this world, and I would like to see Suethor overthrown. I just fail to see how one man can do it, when so many of us have failed. Many people have died trying. What makes you think you can succeed where they have failed?"

Mario's shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'm not claiming to be invincible. But I just can't stand to see things as they are here. I want to change them, not only for the sake of these kids, but also just because it's wrong. This guy shouldn't be allowed to do what he's doing. I feel it's my duty to put a stop to him."

"You feel it's your duty?" Minutio queried, arching an eyebrow. "You don't belong here, Mario, was it? You said yourself you come from another world. You owe us nothing, and you've no right to interfere in our lives. What makes you think it's your 'duty' to set things right in our world?"

Mario whirled around and glared at Minutio with a rare look of contempt. It was as though this person knew exactly which questions to ask to make Mario angry. The sad part of it all was that the only reason Mario was angry was because he didn't have a good answer for any of them. He was angry because he knew that Minutio was right, and that he didn't have any business doing what he was doing. Just the same though, he knew deep down that what he intended was the right thing, and if he could only explain why, he'd have Minutio on his side. If only the words would come! He stared stupidly, angrily, and quietly at Minutio for a minute or so, until finally he just sighed and shook his head.

"You're right," he said at last. "Even though I am concerned about the people from my world who disappeared, as well as the people from there who might already be coming for me, the affairs of your world are really none of my business. I have no valid reason for interfering like this. I guess it was only my protective instincts that drove my actions. Where I come from, it's my responsibility to keep people safe from evil. When I arrived here, I saw the injustice that Suethor doled out to his subjects, and it made me angry. I wanted to change it. There is no other reason. Maybe it was presumptuous of me to take on the role of hero in all of this, but dammit, I have to do _something_!"

For the first time since they'd met him, Minutio smiled. "Thank you," he replied, standing up and holding out a hand to shake Mario's. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

Bewildered, Mario took Minutio's hand in his and shook it clumsily. "I beg your pardon?" he asked. "You're confusing me."

"All I wanted to know was _why_ you're doing this," he replied. "You gave me an honest answer, and it's the reason I was looking for. You want to change our world because it is unjust and cruel. That is a very noble reason, and for that alone, I'm willing to help you. However," he added, adopting a more stern expression as Semmy and Commie jumped to their feet in delight, "I want you to understand that although I am doing this, I'm not readily placing my life in your hands. I expect you to listen to what I have to say, and to take my advice when I give it to you. Don't forget, Mario, that you are a stranger in our lands, and you don't know all of what happens here. Your own ignorance will be your undoing if you allow it. My conditions are this: after we take these children to Crossover City, if you take me with you and allow me to instruct you on how to proceed from there, I will take you three where you need to go. I intend to be a part of this until the end, whether it be bitter or sweet. There will be no solo hero tactics in this, Mario. Do you understand?"

Mario understood the sense in Minutio's words, and he nodded sincerely. "I do," he replied. "And I give you my thanks."

They shook hands again, and Minutio began barking orders. He made them all help him carry his belongings out to the cart, and to help him gather supplies from a root cellar hidden beneath his floor. Mario and the kids were amazed to see that in addition to stores of food and drink, there were armaments, bags of money, and many other valuable-looking items down there. Mario asked him if they were taking all of it with them.

"No, I'm afraid not," Minutio replied hastily. "The more we load onto the cart, the more slowly Brutus will have to pull it. I'll have to leave most of these things here. It's all right; they aren't necessary for survival, and my cellar is hidden well enough that those OC scoundrels won't find it. I may never be able to return for them, but that's definitely a worthwhile consolation." Minutio chuckled and carried a couple bags of what appeared to be meal or flour up the small ladder he used to go in and out of his cellar. Mario fingered the gilded plates of armor and marveled at Minutio's willingness to part with such obviously valuable belongings. He didn't have much time to marvel, however, as it didn't take long for them to load up what they needed onto the cart. Minutio showed them a hidden compartment underneath the buckboard of the cart, and he explained that Mario and the children could hide there if they saw anyone suspicious, as their faces were sure to be common on wanted posters within a day or two. As for Minutio, he had a clever way of stalling his own disappearance. He tacked a note on his door stating the following:

_I am taking a trip to the capital so that I may pay my respects to our ruler. I am bringing him the required gift, and I will not be home for several weeks. My taxes may be collected from the bin beside the door._

_Minutio the Paragraph_

He dropped a handful of coins into a small, cylindrical bin beside the door, and after checking his note to make sure he hadn't made any errors, he woke up Brutus and led him to the cart. In the light of the lantern, Mario finally got a good look at Brutus. He was kind of a greenish-yellow color, and his fur was short and well-kempt. His hoofed feet were shiny and black, and his face resembled that of a ram, horns and all. He whined at Minutio when he woke up, and then he spoke in a deep, grouchy voice.

"What're you waking me up for, you old coot? Don't you know what time it is?"

Minutio chuckled. "Get up, you lazy beast. We've had unexpected visitors, and I'm afraid we're going to have to clear out of here and head for Crossover City. We will most likely never be returning."

"What?! What in blazes have you agreed to, you old fool! Why, I've never heard something so asinine in all my life! If you had half a brain in that head of yours, you'd know better than this!" And so it continued for several more minutes, all the while with Minutio leading Brutus into his harness and bridle. By the time Brutus had finished his tirade and was panting from the effort, he was already all hooked up and ready to go, and Mario and the kids were already loaded into the cart along with the supplies. Mumbling something about senile paragraph poppycock, he complied when Minutio gave him a light tap with the reins. Their perilous journey had finally begun.

"So tell me," Mario asked, beginning to settle down now that they were finally on their way, "How is it you came to have all those things under your hut? I don't know much about this place, but it seemed to me like you had an awfully modest-looking house for so many riches."

"Who's this illegible buffoon?" Brutus asked waspishly. "He certainly asks dimwitted questions."

"Ah, forgive my rudeness," Minutio chuckled. "Mario, this is Brutus, my most trustworthy companion and faithful steed. His bleat is worse than his bite, I assure you. Brutus, this is Mario. He comes from another world, and he is on a quest to overthrow King Suethor."

If Brutus had blathered on about Minutio's idiocy before, that was nothing compared to the flood of profanity and incredulous expletives he now directed at Mario. By the time he had run out of steam, Mario knew words that would make paint peel. Semmy and Commie had been giggling excitedly throughout the entire verbal assault. It wasn't often that they were able to hear such language used around them without abandon.

"Ah, and these two are Semmy and Commie," Minutio continued, winking at the kids and laughing at the flabbergasted, affronted look on Mario's face. "Mario rescued them from Punctuville when King Suethor found it and began to massacre the people."

Brutus came to a full stop, and the cart hit him hard in the rump, adding to his bad temper. "You can't be serious!" he gasped. "Suethor found Punctuville?"

"I'm afraid so," Minutio replied, the mirth fading from his voice. "From what these three tell me, the king took no survivors. These two may very well be the last from the entire city."

Brutus craned his neck to stare at Semmy and Commie, who had stopped laughing, and began to look as though they were about to cry. "I can't believe it," he snarled. "The king has gone too far!"

"Quite right," Minutio replied, tapping him with the reins again. "That's one reason why we're doing what we're doing." He then filled Brutus in on what was going on. By the time all was said and done, Brutus had developed a grudging respect for Mario, which he expressed by calling him many colorful names of derision, much to the delight of the two punctuite children. Mario wondered if he was doing it for their benefit, or if he simply enjoyed calling him names like "typo-breath," or "dangling modifier." Either way, this was sure to be a journey to remember. He sighed and leaned back in the hay, resting his head beneath his hands. He suddenly felt very drowsy, and he would have liked nothing better than to fall asleep. As the cart bumped along, Mario stared up at the cloudy night sky and wondered what Luigi, the princess, and all the others were up to at home. He hoped they wouldn't do anything foolish.


	3. Chapter 3: The Rescue Party

Luigi fidgeted in his seat. He had been sitting for nearly an entire hour in the Toadstool Castle throne room, where the princess was arguing with her toad advisors about what to do to rectify Mario's absence. When Luigi had returned to the castle with the news of his brother's disappearance, Peach had been all for charging into the pipe after him, fire flowers blazing. Her advisors, on the other hand, were more prudent and hesitant than she, and they were trying to convince her to send a troop of toads to rescue Mario instead. Luigi had waveringly offered to lead the troop, but he was with Peach's advisors on this one. She didn't need to go with them. She needed to stay where she was; her kingdom needed her leadership.

"Princess, it's just good sense," he urged her, his voice somewhat drowned out by the frenzied quarreling. "There's no denying that you're strong enough to hold your own, but you're needed here too. If both Mario and I are gone, you're all that's left to keep the kingdom safe."

"Toadsworth could handle things while I was away," she snapped at him, feeling betrayed by the fact that he wasn't taking her side. "You know I can't just sit here and wait while Mario could be anywhere, in any kind of danger. It was bad enough when Bowser or some other reprobate had me locked up, and I had to wait for Mario to come after me. The fear I felt, knowing that by doing so, he was putting his own life at risk, just to save mine – it's not something I want to feel again. But this - this sense of dread I have - this is much worse than that. Mario needs our help, and if I don't see that he gets it, I'll go crazy here!"

Luigi felt a surge of sympathy for her. Of course he could see her point; it couldn't be easy, having to stay locked up in a castle while everyone else was trying his hardest. But what could they do? She couldn't come with them. She just couldn't.

In the end, her advisors won, and she was forced to accept their decision. Even as their ruler, she was still bound by their good sense and concern for the welfare of her country, after all. She agreed to leave it to Luigi and the toads, although the accusing look in her eyes made Luigi feel like a villain. Oh well. She'd feel better once they brought Mario back. Luigi suppressed an inward shudder. He tried not to wonder just what kind of peril he'd gotten himself into.

The next hour was spent gathering able-bodied troops and supplies. Luigi would take no chances. If they had to stay wherever that pipe led them, he was going to be ready for any contingency. He had everyone shoulder a backpack containing his own pup tent, camping gear, and enough food and power items to last for several serious skirmishes. They were limited in what they could carry, but he figured that wherever they'd wind up, there was bound to be something to eat. The food aspect didn't really concern him as much as it would his portly brother.

He noticed that one of the toads was surprisingly tall and graceful, and he was dressed in a kind of Bedouin garb, complete with covered face and turban. Luigi made a move to ask him who he was, but he was distracted by one of the other toads, whose pup tent had inflated itself prematurely and had knocked over a handful of the other toads, who were already rather unbalanced from all the supplies they had to carry. Luigi helped to re-pack the pup tent, and he promptly forgot all about the tall stranger. He had seen many strange people in this land, and another one didn't really arouse his interest all that much anymore anyway.

After they had all packed and were assembled, Luigi led them to Warp Zone Two. As they approached their destination, he was becoming more and more nervous. He wondered what kinds of terror lay in wait for him at the other end of that pipe. Very soon now he would find out. He wasn't exactly looking forward to it; in fact, he was nearly scared spitless. However, his brother could be in trouble, and as much as he loved his own skin, he was willing to risk it for his bro, no matter how much of a dunderhead he'd been. Luigi set his jaw and tried to keep his knees from quivering so noticeably as they emerged from one of the transport pipes and found themselves in Warp Zone Two.

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King Suethor made a tsk sound as he daintily picked his way through the shredded corpses and bloodied mud at his feet. He hadn't intended to come and inspect Lieutenant Fyrestorm's handiwork personally, but his mention of Mario, or "the rogue OC," as he had been called by Suethor and his men, had attracted the clever king's interest. He'd had reports lately of one of his OC's turning traitor, but until now he'd never heard a description of him before. Fyrestorm's description had been very unusual indeed – black hair, black mustache, pinkish skin, and a rather squat, wholly unattractive physicality. All these things didn't seem to lend themselves to the description of an OC at all. On the contrary, they reminded Suethor of an exotic kind of paragraph. He was going to have to investigate further.

Suethor was similar in appearance to the other OC's, in that he had green skin and light purple hair, and a fair face to match. However, he was built much more attractively than any of his people, and he was more intelligent than they were as well, making him an obvious candidate for their ruler. His physique was masculine, lean, and powerful. He was tall, handsome, and as was more than apparent, he knew it. His good looks were surpassed only by his vanity and treachery, and that was indeed an accomplishment on both accounts.

He tsked again as he stepped over the decapitated head of a semicolon. These people had had every opportunity to return to the side of righteousness. Unfortunately, they had preferred to revert to savagery and treason. They'd only brought this on themselves. Suethor picked his way to the row of OCs neatly assembled and waiting for him, and he nodded politely at Lieutenant Fyrestorm, the Illiterati he'd placed in charge of this mission.

"All defectors punished, kingness, sir!" he chirruped, saluting gallantly. "All except nasty brats and pink man, I mean."

"Very good, Fyrestorm," Suethor acknowledged him, nodding gravely. "I expect a full report on this strange new enemy of ours, and on the punctuites he took with him. I need to know what kind of connections this man might have. Could he be some kind of paragraph, do you think?"

"I not knowing, but he not look like paragraph," Fyrestorm replied doubtfully. "I no see any like him. Not like punctuite, word, sentence, or paragraph. He something new."

"Really?" the king replied eagerly, his interest aroused even further now. He glanced at the row of obedient OC's still in salute, and he cleared his throat. "You have all done well, men. I give you all a week's worth of vacation leave. You are free to do whatever you want with it, but it might be profitable to investigate the houses and shops of these defectors and see if you can find yourselves anything of value. You'll keep whatever you find, naturally, in addition to your pay."

The OCs' faces lit up with delight, and they all saluted king Suethor a second time before calling their pet fragments and heading off down the street, each one imagining what kinds of riches he might find, and whether he'd be able to outdo his squad mates. Suethor and Fyrestorm watched the men leave, and when they were out of earshot, they continued their conversation.

"Yes, king," Firestorm continued. "This man not look like Grammar man. He may be like weird mushroom heads."

"You read my mind, Fyrestorm," Suethor laughed, clapping him on the back. "I knew it was a good decision to put you in charge of this mission! Now, if only you had actually managed to capture the brute, we'd be able to know for sure."

There was a trace of malice in the king's voice, but Fyrestorm didn't notice it. "I sorry about that, your kingness," he apologized, laughing good-naturedly. "He surprise us. He change shape; he grow tail and fly away. We not have time to secure him."

"I suppose you told him who had ordered this operation, didn't you?" Suethor continued. His voice had become dangerously soft, and this time Fyrestorm realized something was wrong.

"Er... yes, King," he replied. "He not know, so I tell him. I thought he stop hurting fragments if I tell."

King Suethor's back was to him, but he appeared to be fiddling with something while he listened. Fyrestorm was really beginning to feel uneasy. Something didn't seem right; the conversation wasn't as jovial as it was supposed to be.

"You disappoint me, Fyrestorm," Suethor sighed, shaking his head. He turned around, and he was holding a scepter in his hand. It was an ornate object, encrusted with glittering jewels and precious metals, with its surface burnished to a mirror like shine. Fyrestorm gasped.

"Please, your mercyness! I never mean it! I... I do good next time, I swear!" he babbled, backing away from the king with a wide-eyed look of terror on his face.

"You don't even know what you did, do you?" Suethor chuckled. "Let me spell it out for you. You informed an outsider of my identity, and you then allowed him to escape. For that terrible deed, you must be punished. However, since your report was useful, I will show you more mercy than I would under normal circumstances." He waved the scepter in a wide arc in front of him, and a beam of pink plasma leapt at Fyrestorm, knocking him flat on his back. The stricken Illiterati squeaked and contorted his face in pain, but he hardly moved at all. Finally, after a full minute, he pulled himself off the ground and stood unsteadily on his feet. He stared around stupidly for a few moments, but then his eyes fell on Suethor and his face lit up as though he'd just seen the most beautiful sight on the planet.

"My king!" he exclaimed, kneeling and bowing his head. "Oh, my king!" He appeared as though he was in complete ecstasy at the very idea of being in Suethor's presence. Suethor smiled and gave him leave to stand.

"To your feet, my worthy subject," he said sweetly. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything, O king!" came Fyrestorm's reply. He gazed at Suethor adoringly.

"I need you to hunt down and capture a fearsome creature that has invaded our kingdom. He looks something like an OC, but he has pink skin, black hair, and an ugly, black mustache. He has two defector punctuites with him, and he intends to kill me. I need you to find him."

"The villain!" Fyrestorm roared, leaping to his feet. "I not let him! I find him and kill him first!"

"Try not to kill him if you can avoid it," Suethor cried, grasping Fyrestorm's arm to hold him back. Fyrestorm looked as though he had died and gone to heaven. "I want you to try and capture him – and his companions – alive. Go back to the palace guard and gather three squads of OC foot soldiers to help you. You'll have to work together to bring him in, because he's very powerful."

"You count on Fyrestorm, king wonderfulness!" the gilded knight replied, kneeling again. "I not fail my king! I go!" he grabbed the reins of an aviary sentence fragment and leapt onto its back. He dug in his heels, and the grotesque creature gave a squawk of annoyance before darting into the air. Before long, both were out of sight.

Chuckling, Suethor tucked his scepter safely inside his robes. So much for that. He glanced around once more before turning to board his blimp and head for home. He paused, however, when he heard cries of surprise and disgust break out behind him. He whirled around to see Luigi and the toads exit the alley where the pipe had led them, only to find a land of strange corpses and gore around them. Suethor gaped at the strangers, and after they realized he was there, they gaped back – all except one. The tall, oddly dressed toad let out a feminine scream, causing everyone present to jump. He wobbled unsteadily for a few moments before crumpling to the ground in dead faint.

"Please tell me that isn't who I think it is," Luigi groaned, realizing that he recognized the voice of that toad. "Take off her turban, would you?" he whispered to one of the toads, eying Suethor with distrust. "I believe the princess has stowed away in our group. Get that thing off of her so that she can breathe. Then see if you can smuggle her back through the pipe without being seen. I don't like the look of this guy."

Suethor reached into his pocket and pressed the button on a small remote – an alert to all the OC's in the vicinity that he was in danger. He'd never had to use the device before, but for the first time in his life, he was genuinely frightened. That man fit the description of the stranger remarkably well. To make matters worse, he'd even brought a large band of the mushroom-headed weirdoes with him. That cinched it. They were definitely from the same place that his prisoners in the dungeon had originated.

"Halt where you are if you value your lives," he commanded, glaring at them sternly. "I am the great King Suethor, and you are in my domain. Anything you do without my leave will be considered an act of treason."

Luigi gulped. This didn't look good. "I beg your pardon, sir," he replied. "We don't mean you any harm. You see, my brother is missing, and we thought he came here. We've come to try and rescue him." He figured he'd stall Suethor as long as he could, and was both relieved and frightened to notice that the king's attention seemed mostly on him for some reason, rather than on his companions.

"Silence," Suethor barked. "Guards! Restrain those invaders!" As though he had summoned them out of thin air, OC's came dashing out of the town, brandishing spears and racing to come to their king's aid. They were soon joined by a group of OC's from the king's blimp, and before long, Luigi and company had been roughly grabbed and held by the strong arms of the OC soldiers. Though the toads in charge of retreating with the princess had struggled vigorously, the OCs were stronger, and they easily wrenched her away from them. Each member of the company was held tightly, arms pulled behind his or her back, and standing stiffly at attention for the king to see.

Smiling confidently, Suethor strolled down the line of toads, delighted to see the looks of indignation and fear on their faces. He studied each one carefully, noting the way they all stared at him unabashedly, defiantly, and with no small degree of disgust. Apparently they didn't approve of his methods. Well, they'd soon sing a different tune.

When he came to the princess, he snorted slightly. "Why is this one bowing his head?" he chuckled. "Make him stand upright, soldier!"

"It not easy," the OC replied, apparently very frustrated. "This one knocked out."

However, eager to win favor with his king, he ripped the turban off of Peach's head, and he grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked it toward him, raising her head so that her face was visible. The sharp action jolted her awake, and she cried aloud in pain.

"Help!" she cried, beginning to struggle. "What are you doing? Who are you? Let go of my hair!" Tears stung in her eyes from the sharp pain caused by the rough handling of her hair, and she desperately kicked backwards to try to get her assailant to loosen his hold.

"Get your filthy mitts off our princess!" the toad nearest to Luigi hollered. "Lay a finger on her, and I'll pulverize you, you big green jerk!"

"Keep quiet!" Luigi whispered fiercely, giving the toad a light kick. "He doesn't need to know who she is!"

Peach realized that they had all been taken prisoner. "What is the meaning of this?" she gasped at Suethor, realizing all at once that he was there. She stopped struggling to stare at him. "Who are you, and why have you attacked us?" She then remembered what she had seen that had caused her to faint earlier. Her knees quailed, and she turned several shades paler. Nevertheless, she boldly held her eyes level with Suethor's and managed to maintain an air of dignity. She would have to worry about the ghastly surroundings later. At the present, it seemed the situation of her and her companions was her first priority.

Suethor was dumbstruck. Never before had he ever laid eyes on such an angelic creature – save himself, that is. She was beautiful, and she was unlike anyone he'd ever met in his world. He had to find out more about her.

"Release her, if you please," he instructed her OC captor, who obediently – and rather thankfully, considering the painful kicks she'd delivered to his shins – dropped her arms and took a step back. Peach stumbled for a moment, having suddenly found all her weight upon her feet again, and she struggled to ignore the frightening images below eye level. She glared at Suethor accusingly, but he only bowed and flashed her a brilliant smile.

"My name is Martelius Suethor," he began, grasping her hand and kissing it affectionately. "You are in the Grammar World, in which I rule as king. Forgive my harsh treatment of you, fair lady," he apologized. "My kingdom has been besieged by miscreants lately, and I mistook you for one of them."

"Miscreants?" Peach returned, snatching her hand back and eying him warily. "Are these miscreants the ones who've caused all this carnage before us? I can scarcely breathe among such deathly sights. It chills me to the core."

"No, I'm afraid that these people were defectors – traitors to the crown," he replied sadly, shaking his head. "I had no choice but to eradicate them. Ah! The trials of a king are harsh indeed!"

Peach stared at him for a moment as though she thought he was joking. When she realized he was serious, her face flushed with color, and she balled her hands into fists. "How... how dare you!" she cried. "You dare call yourself a king, yet you treat your people with such cruelty? Never would I allow such injustice in my kingdom. Never! As princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, I would do anything to protect the welfare of all of my citizens, whether they supported me or not! But this," she snarled, waving her arm around her to address the multitude of broken bodies, "this is inexcusable! Even if they were defectors, that's no reason to slaughter them! Are your subjects no more than beasts? Do you think so little of them?" She gaped at him incredulously, and Suethor laughed gaily, as though her words were those of a joke.

"But of course they are!" he chuckled. "This was a village of punctuites – very common, witless folk. Their lives hold little merit even as subjects of my kingdom, so the defectors are practically swine. You are an outsider; you don't realize the humor of your words. But fear not. If you would do me the honor of returning home to my palace with me, I would gladly teach you more about our land. May I take you there, fair princess, er… Forgive me, but what name may I use to address you?" he asked, offering his hand to take hers, and beaming at her expectantly.

Peach recoiled from him in disgust. "I am Princess Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom, and I'm not going anywhere with you," she replied coldly. "I would never consort with a murderer like you. Perhaps I don't know everything about this world, but I've seen enough to know that I don't like the way you treat your 'inferiors.' Now then," she began, planting her fists on her hips and sending him an icy stare, "I am looking for a man named Mario. He entered your kingdom yesterday, and he has not returned to us since. He is similar in appearance to his brother, Luigi," she continued, gesturing toward Luigi, who had been doing his best to keep a low profile throughout the entire exchange, and silently cursed to himself as he realized that his identity had been compromised as well. "He is a valued subject of my kingdom, and I want him returned to me, along with six others of my subjects, for whom he came here to rescue. Those six look very much like the toadstool members of our party." She motioned toward the toads, who were eying Suethor distrustfully. "Have you seen any of the people I've mentioned? And choose your words carefully, your _highness_," she added, making a face as she said it, as though the word tasted foul in her mouth. "Let me assure you; it would be a grave mistake indeed to wage war on the Mushroom Kingdom over such a trifle."

King Suethor was more than just a little annoyed. How dare she spurn his generous offer like that? Just who did she think she was? Perhaps in her place of origin she was royalty, but here she was little more than his prisoner. Nevertheless, he wasn't about to let her ignore his charms. She only needed a little persuasion, after all. He smiled mysteriously at her, and he withdrew his scepter from within his robes. The OCs holding them fast let out a collective gasp of fear, and some of them began to shake. Luigi could smell fear from a mile away, as familiar with it as he was himself. He knew at once that whatever this guy was planning to do with the scepter wasn't good. It was time to act.

"Forget it, Peach!" he cried, crouching and leaping with such force that the OC holding him was unable to keep his grip on Luigi's arms. "He's up to something! Make a break for it!" He leapt in the air and kicked viciously at the OCs who swarmed in on him. "It's time to blow this pizza parlor, paisanos!"

Peach needed no further instruction. Like a flash, she was off, fleeing on foot down the cluttered cobblestone street. As for Luigi, he had done a good job of catching his captors off guard. He'd managed to knock down a good number of the OCs holding the toads, and both he and his mushroom partners-in-arms all began activating their fire flowers. Before long the air was thick with fireballs and the smell of burning cloth and flesh.

"You two! After that one!" Suethor roared, motioning for two of his OCs to pursue the princess. "Take her alive and unharmed! I'll handle these nuisances myself!" As his soldiers obediently took off after Peach, Suethor whirled his scepter high in the air. A brilliant flash of pink energy filled the street, and the melee of toads, Luigi, and OCs alike fell to the ground and lay still as stone, their faces contorted in pain.

Peach tried her best to ignore the fact that she was stepping on dead people as she raced to keep ahead of her pursuers. She fumbled through her pockets until she found the fire flower she'd put there when they were back home. She activated it, and she whirled around to attack. Immediately, she shot two fireballs directly behind her, only to find that there was no longer anyone there. Tensing, she darted her eyes back and forth, expecting to be attacked at any moment. When, after a few moments, nothing had happened, she decided to continue onward and escape the town. She only hoped that Luigi and the others had fared as well as she had. She didn't have long to hold onto that thought, however. The moment she turned to flee, she was struck hard on the back of the head. The blow knocked her senseless, and she never got to see the sentence fragment that had swooped down at her on its master's orders. Immediately, her fire flower's power faded, and she fell to the ground. That was the end of her attempt to escape. The two OCs emerged from the alley in which they'd hidden, and one of them quickly scooped Peach up and laid her across the sentence fragment's back. They then trotted off to return to their king, eager to show him their success.

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Mario and the punctuite children had enjoyed a very uneventful ride to Crossover City. The road was remarkably devoid of guards and suspicious characters. It was almost as though all the king's men were collected elsewhere. Minutio was puzzled by it, but as he told Mario, he was all too happy to take advantage of it. After several days with stops only to sleep at night, they reached the brilliant metropolis known as Crossover City.

"It... it's huge!" Mario gasped, gaping at the high walls enclosing a bustling grouping of brick buildings, stables, and many other dwellings. The city was built inside a valley, and it almost completely blanketed the valley walls. Down at the bottom, there was a wide lake that was bounded on all sides by the city. As they entered, Mario noticed that there were patches of the city that appeared noticeably different from the others.

"Why are there so many divisions in there?" he asked Minutio quietly from his place under the buckboard. He was hiding there so that he wouldn't be seen. A place like this was bound to be on the alert for the king's proclaimed enemies.

"Those are different quarters of the city that house the various races of our land. That one over there is the Punctuite quarter," he explained, pointing to a colorful, lively chunk of the valley to their right. "And over there are the clause and sentence liveries of the city. In that area," he continued, pointing to the section directly across the valley from them, "you'll find different types of markets for all kinds of goods. This is a grand trading post for everyone. What we're in now is the paragraph quarter, and it is here where I hope to make contact with a friend of mine who will give us valuable information."

"What about the kids?" Mario asked. "We shouldn't get them any more involved than we need to. The less they know about what's going on, the better."

"Why can't we help?" Commie protested. "Semmy and I owe Suethor big time for what he did to our parents and our village. We want to help!"

"Oh, but you will, boys," Minutio assured him. "You two are going to be our contacts with the punctuites. If we have any hope of bringing Suethor down, it's going to take everyone working together to do it. The punctuites are fierce warriors when they need to be. I'll need you two to explain to the council of punctuite elders just what happened to your village, and how Mario intends to bring down the king. They won't want to agree to anything at first, naturally, because Suethor has everyone doubting everyone else, and no one knows who may be a spy. It will be dangerous, but you'll have a better chance at convincing them than I will."

Semmy and Commie stared at each other in solemn satisfaction. It sounded terrifying and exciting all at the same time. Each was willing to do his part to avenge his family's deaths, so they both nodded in agreement.

"What about the other races?" Mario asked him. "Do you think you can convince the paragraphs?"

"They won't need convincing," Minutio chuckled. "We're all of the same mind, really. When we discovered what Suethor did to the goddess, we all knew he had to go."

"Goddess?" Mario asked. "You people worship a goddess?"

"Yeah," Semmy replied. "I forgot to tell you, Mario. The one who used to govern our world has been taken captive by King Suethor. Her name is Fanfiction, and she used to be the one who ruled us all as queen, and gave the entire world legibility and peace. She is an immortal, and she has a great power over everyone in the world. Until king Suethor came along, she was loving and understanding. But somehow, through his twisted influence, she has been transformed into a maddened, bloodthirsty demon. No one can go near her without being ripped to pieces. She's worse than a sentence fragment; at least they can follow orders. Suethor keeps her locked up in his dungeon, and he tosses his most bitter enemies in there with her. They never last very long."

"King Suethor claims that he has brought out her true nature, and that he is taking her place for the good of the kingdom. However, there isn't a person alive in our world who isn't aware that he's the one who did it to her – that is, everyone who hasn't been influenced by his MS scepter," Minutio continued. "The Mary Sue scepter – or MS scepter for short – is the source of Suethor's power. It causes everyone he touches with its magic to become deeply attracted to him. Women swoon for him, and men would throw themselves into hurtled spears just for his acknowledgement. It's a treacherous, evil device, and simply seeing it strikes fear into the heart of every Grammar World citizen – even the OC's whom he commands. To be hit with the device makes you lose all your sense of self, and forget everything you knew before he hit you with it. The only emotion it leaves behind is mindless adoration of its wielder."

"That's hideous!" Mario gasped. "It's like he's brainwashed them!"

"It's been the key to his power since the very beginning," Minutio sighed. "That Mary Sue scepter is the one thing that keeps his kingdom from crashing down around himself. But its power is so strong that until now, not a one of us would dare oppose him – not even the most powerful paragraph warrior. To die in battle is one matter, but to be threatened with losing all of your goodness and purity only to become the king's sniveling lapdog... that's a fate worse than death." Minutio ground his teeth and clutched the reins tightly. "I will never forgive him. Ever."

Mario had the feeling that Minutio had more of a history with King Suethor than he had told them. However, he didn't think he ought to pry into the paragraph's private affairs, and all he really wanted right now was to set things straight so that he could go home. For now, he contented himself with peering through the little cracks in the side of the cart and viewing the sights of the city. He gasped when he saw a couple of beautiful women walk by – women who bore a striking resemblance to the OCs and Illiterati.

"What are those women?" he asked Minutio.

"Those are OC females," came his reply. "I forget that there is so much you haven't seen. OC women do not normally join the guard. They are powerful creatures, but not as much so as their male counterparts. It is customary for them to become wives or concubines and leave the fighting to the males. This is not the case with paragraph women," he added proudly. "Our people can all fight from a very early age. None of us are strong enough to outmatch a fully grown male OC, but beyond that, we are unrivalled."

"Punctuite women are scary sometimes," Semmy laughed. "Our people don't usually fight at all, but we have gone to war in the past. The women fought then too, but they were far more vicious and deadly than the men. That's what our parents said, at least," he added, with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"We have arrived," Minutio said at last. "Now, here's what we're going to do. I want you to wrap yourself in this, Mario," he ordered, shoving a bundle of cloth into the compartment when no one was looking. "I'm going to carry you inside as though you're a clause I've killed while hunting. Whatever happens, after I sling you over my shoulder, do not move or make a sound until I tell you."

"I don't know if I like this much," Mario grumbled as he struggled to wriggle into the coarse material while inside his cramped compartment. "Don't go tossing me onto any floors or anything." When he had wound himself up in the cloth as completely as he could, Minutio opened the compartment and dragged him out. Semmy and Commie helped him pull Mario to the edge of the cart, and then he hoisted the wrapped plumber heavily over his shoulder.

"Oof," Minutio grunted. "You're more solid than you look! Okay you two, just follow me, and don't make a sound. It's not a common thing to have punctuites inside the paragraph underground, but when I explain matters to them, they'll treat you with respect and kindness. Brutus," he added, addressing the sentence, who had been remarkably complacent and silent throughout the trip into town. "Why don't you go visit the livery and take a nap? I'll come and get you before we set out. We'll fill you in on the details later."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Brutus yawned in an agreeable tone. "I know, I know. No sentences allowed. Big deal. Lemme know when you need me, then. I'm pretty tired just the same."

"I like Brutus," Commie declared as they parted ways. "He reminds me of an uncle we had who used to curse a lot when he drunk. He told great stories, too." 

"Brutus is a very loyal friend," Minutio said with a smile back at them. "I'd trust him with my life, and I have, on several occasions. There's no one better to have around. Now keep silent, you two. Let me do the talking."

They had arrived at a very small, modest hovel made of unimpressively brown bricks. There was a stout paragraph man guarding the door, and he held up a thick paw when they came near.

"This tavern has been closed for renovation," he growled. "Turn around and find another."

"The bricks are awfully shabby here," Minutio said affably. "Seems like they need some mortar."

The man at the door nodded, and as unbelievable as it seemed, he stepped aside and let them in. Semmy and Commie stared curiously at him as they went inside, but the burly paragraph pretended as though he didn't see any of them. When they entered, they found themselves in an empty tavern filled with cobwebs and darkness. Minutio checked to make sure the sentry had closed the door behind them before he lifted one of the tables in the far corner of the room. A square section of the floor swung upward along with it. It was a hidden passageway! Minutio motioned for the kids to follow him, and they climbed down into a steep stairwell, pulling the door closed behind them. They went down a couple flights of stairs before halting again. The stairs were made of cold, damp stone, and lanterns hung at every thirty-foot interval to light their way down.

"Come along then," Minutio instructed, setting Mario down on his feet and unwrapping him. "You're free to walk about now. None of the people you meet in here will turn you in for any reward. You're an enemy of Suethor's, so you're amongst friends."

Mario was glad to be rid of the restrictive wrappings so quickly, but he worried nonetheless. "I've heard some disturbing things about King Suethor's ability to detect foul play," he commented. "Are you sure we'll be out of his view in here?"

"Yes, and we'll explain why below. Now keep close and follow me. I'm going to take you to meet my leaders. You'll soon understand that the paragraphs are not simply the mindless sheep Suethor would believe us to be."


End file.
